Dear Stud Sons,
You are all adults now, almost all of you that is, Youngest is a few months off, but for all purposes right now, we will call him an adult.
As children I watched each one of you grow, develop, and turn in to your own human beings. Each of you has your strengths, each of you has your weaknesses. Each of you has your bouts of jealousy, depression, joy, heartbreak, and when it seems life is just kicking your butt.
But I have watched each of you rally around the other and help him back up.
I have seen you fight like cats and dogs one minute with each other, and take up for each other fiercely the next.
Personally I wouldn’t want to pick a fight with any one of you, because I know the other 4 would be right there to take up the fight.
That’s what families do.
When it comes down to it, family is your backbone. It is what makes you, you.
I love that Oldest is the safe, responsible one. He is the voice of reason when you all are doing the “Hey, watch this…” stunts. He sees the danger and warns you of it, then gets in your face when you do it anyhow and it blows up. He has a good, level head on his shoulders. I’ve never worried about where he would land in life, because he has the determination to do whatever he sets his mind to. He is an exceptional leader for the 5 of you. He has a brain and knows how to use it. He would do anything to get the recognition and acceptance he deserves.
Son2 has always wanted to be like Oldest. Almost from the day he was born he has looked up to oldest, and emulated him in every way. Except the safety part. Where Oldest is safe and calculating, Son2 loves the adrenaline rush. The harder, faster, rougher, the better. That’s why Oldest and Son2 have been good together all these years. Oldest keeps them out of trouble while Son2 pulls Oldest out of his safety bubble to have a bit of adventure. Together, they have fun but in a calculated way. Son2 has always loved with his entire heart, so much that it gets tromped on a lot.
The middle child, Son3, is the one chasing behind Oldest and Son1, he always wanted more than anything in life to be part of their little group. He would follow behind them when they would be outside playing, while they would be running away playing “Keep away from Son3″ . All he wanted to do was be included. As a result of that; he is not afraid to blaze his own path. He doesn’t give a flip what his friends are doing, what they want or what they try to pressure him in to doing. He also doesn’t care if you don’t like what he’s doing or how he’s doing it. At the same time, he is generous and caring to a fault and would give you the shirt of his back if you needed it.
Son4 is the happy one. Rarely do you see him upset, angry or sad. Even when he gets angry, give him a minute and he will be over it. Like Son3, he is his own man. He is patriotic, God fearing, America loving young man. He works hard, but when he’s at rest don’t you dare interrupt him. Ask him to help and he will, no questions asked, and will keep his mouth shut while doing it. Again, like Son3, he stands his own ground. He believes what he believes and doesn’t care what you think about it. He is adventurous in that he loves to wander and explore new places.
Our youngest son is the typical youngest child. He is always trying to impress his older brothers and gain their respect. He wants them to see him as and equal, not as the baby. He is emotional, from happiness to sadness he feels it, and feels it strongly. Even if he knows he is on the losing side he will continue to fight, and fight ferociously. He is stubborn, to a fault. and while that may sound like all bad things, all of these things are good. Youngest has always had to fight for what he wanted, being the youngest of 5 boys, from clothes, to toys to alone time with mom and dad. He is scrappy and feisty. Combine that with shyness, and you have an enigma that is our youngest son.
When you get my boys together, there will always be an argument. There will almost always be injuries. And there will always be some sort of pissing contest. That’s just the way it is.
As a mom of 5 boys, I have long given up the dream of the Rockwell family type life. It’s not going to happen. But I have not and will not give up on the dream of my boys all being friends as well as brothers.
Each one of my boys has taken his own path, made his own choices. Whether they mean it or not, sometimes those paths tromp on his brothers dreams. They battle jealousy and fight fiercely. What I want each of my boys to know is this:
Each one of you is your own man. You are each my son, all on your own. There is nothing any one of you can do to make me love you less, because my love for all of you is unconditional, and it is unique. While you may think that I love this one more than you, or that one less than you, its not true.
Each of you has your time, there will be times when you need me more than your brother. There will be times when you don’t need me at all and your brother does. There will be time when all of you need me at once. When those times happen, I will do my best to take care of each one of your needs. There will be times that I will drop the ball, and I will let you down. There will be times that you will let each other down. Those things happen. They are inevitable. When those things happen, its ok to feel hurt, its ok to feel let down. But, do not wallow in it. Do not let it climb in and take hold. Do not let it affect your relationship with each other. One day, when everyone else has let you down, your brothers will be there to pick you up.
You may see me or Dad slip one of you money, and not the other. You may see us help out when you don’t think its necessary. But as a parent, when one of you is hurting, we will do our best, and what we feel we should, to help that hurt. It doesn’t mean we love that son more than you, it just means right then, right there, that was what was needed. Nothing more, nothing less.
I know I haven’t been a perfect mother. No one is.
But I have done my best to make sure that each one of you knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is loved. Loved more than my life itself.
Each of you is a part of me that will forever be. Each of you holds an equal sized part of my heart, and you carry it with you where ever you go. As long as you breathe, you will be loved.
That’s what mom’s do. I don’t love any of you more than the other, each love is different, unique and a love all its own. Never forget that.