Firsts

Today is youngest’s 10th birthday.  At 12am we were up reading through his baby book, laughing at all the stuff we had wrote in them.  One of the things was his first word.  How could I forget his first word.  Especially when I tell you what it was.  I mean come on. what kind of mom forgets her childs first word?

I’ll tell you , a mom with more than one kid.

Once you have a passel of children, you tend to mix up facts and cute stories.  You can never remember which one did what when.   Heck, I have a hard time figuring out who’s what age, unless I start with the oldest and work my way down.

Go ahead, ask me.  Then watch me mentally tally it up.  I can keep you entertained for hours. Just don’t ask how old they were when they rode a 2 wheel bike, or other such stuff.  Walking, yep, I remember that one.  Potty training, yep, got that one burned in forever.  Stiches?  Yeah, I can tell you that one too.  And broke bones.  But things like talking, sitting up, and other “milestones”  Nope.

Here I was thinking all my boys said “da-da” first.  I was wrong.

Youngest, his first word?

poop.

Wanna know how good I am?

I am such a great teacher, wanna know how great?

Son2 (after going in the post office to mail some letters) You got $2 back, the stamps were only a penny.

Me- Huh?

Son2- Yeah, they were only 1cent each.

Me- How is that?

Son2- they had some for 41 cents, and some for 1 cent, so I got the penny ones!

Now, he’s smiling, all proud of himself for saving me some money. Me, well, I’m all confused.

Me- So, um, I assume you already stuck them in the slot and mailed them?

Son2- well yes. (looks at me like I am a total dork)

Let’s just say, I then commenced having the best belly laugh I’ve had in months.

See, I’m a great teacher! At least they are learning how to be frugal.

~~~~~~~~~

In other Son2 news.

He got up this morning, went to take a shower, and found something abnormal on his um man parts.  He kept feeling around, and pulled at the offensive part, it came off, leaving a trail of blood behind.

It was a tick.

Son2 had a tick on his man bits.

Is that an episode of House or what?

Fart, fart, fart, fart, fart.

I forgot to mention, I got in BIG trouble with my parents tonight!  Big surprise huh.  Wanna know what I did?

I have this rule, if you pass gas in any way at the dinner table, you get a warning first time, second time, you are asked to leave the table.  Simple enough rule.

Well, Son4 let a big one rip, he was finished eating, so I went ahead and dismissed him.  My mom, had no clue what happened, and thought it was because he was joking around with her, and started fussing at me.  I told her that wasn’t why he left the table, she insisted I tell her just exactly why, SOoooooo, I told her “because he farted at the table”

Oh.MY.Word.

You would have thought I said the major “f” word.   She lit into me with a fire I have never seen before.  Her face looked like I had committed one of the deadly sins.  She really let me have it.  Then let Stud have it because he was laughing.  THEN, she called my dad in, and DARED me to tell him what I said.  So, I did.

His face turned blood read, he got up from the table and said “you never heard that from me.”

I had no idea the word fart could create so much chaos.

One down, one to go.

I can not believe that only TWO of my readers have questions for me…. What if wrong with you people? Ask me a question.

Now for Trashman’s question:

Has anyone in your immediate family ever seen an alien (space man, martian, little green dude) dead or alive?

Well, Trashy, I can only speak for myself, and probably for the boys, BUT as far as I know, neither me or the boys have ever seen little green men. Stud however, I can’t speak for. Next time you talk to him on the phone, ask him… who know what answer you’ll get.

I’ll answer another question tomorrow. And one day this week, I’ll pontificate on these vanity fair picture going around.