Walk down memory lane

I took a trip down memory lane tonight.

I don’t remember how it started but I eventually wound up on Jay’s blog, He’s long gone, no longer inhabits that space. But his writing is still hilariously real.

It made me think about days gone by, I mean has it really been a decade? I guess it has.

I originally started reading blogs when I clicked on the “next” button on my old blogger page. It took me to a blog written by a guy named Kevin who worked at a strip club. I was hooked. His writing sucked me right in to that life and I wanted to know more. I started leaving comments, and next thing I knew, I was part of a group of bloggers who became a family.

So much of a family that it came together way back when to support a very special girl and her family while she went through not one, but two liver transplants. These people because essential parts of my life. To this day, I count several of them as close friends, even though we never talk, or even communicate beyond liking posts on each others facebook pages.

Our lives have changed dramatically in the past 10 or so years. I’ve met a few of my bloggy family in person, talked to several on the phone. We’ve cried, vented, laughed, and shared things that I will never share with my real family.

So tonight, after my trip down bloggy memory lane, Here’s to the old days! Jay, Zelda, Jethro, Inanna, Jammie J, and Trashman. There were many others, but these are the ones who’s blogs are still showing up!

Windows.

Its all in the eyes.

They say the eyes are the window’s to your soul.

I say they are the window to your mind.

Some days her eyes are sky blue, with a touch of sparkle to them.

Some days they are wide and grey filled with fear and confusion.

Yet other days they are black, almost devoid of color, the centers dilated so large and empty.

The sky blue days are good days. Those are days my mom is there. She is with us, joking, having fun, enjoying what is left of life. Of mom knowing who we are, telling stories about her life experiences and loving us with all she has.

The grey days are hard. Those days are filled with panic attacks. Nervous twitches, jerky movements, tears, yelling, screaming, and answering the same question dozens of times, literally in minutes space. They are spent wavering minute to minute from quiet to chaos. Never knowing from second to second what will happen next.

The black days, those are the most difficult. Those days are the ones that are full of confusion, answering questions to the wrong name, assurances that we are, in fact home. We have been here, in this situation for a year now. These days are spent instructing in easy steps how to do something as simple as standing or on a few occasions how to breathe.

The blue days are occurring less and less. Dispersed between the grey and black days just enough to keep us going, giving us hope.

Her eyes give us insight. They let us see more than we can ever see otherwise.

They are not the windows to her soul, but the window to her mind.

When did I get old?

A couple of weeks ago, Son3 had his first date. He’s had a couple more since then and is officially “dating”.

Tonight, Son4 had his first date. She texted him afterwards told him what a great time she had and now they are planning a second date.

I’m not sure how I feel about this dating thing. Oldest dated DIL but it doesn’t seem like it was that indepth as it is for the younger boys. Son2 dates but doesn’t share details with us. So this is kind of new territory for us. What’s even newer, is Son4 was told tonight that in this area, girls usually pay for themselves.

I asked him if he told the girl that if his mama found out he took a girl out and didn’t pay then she would whoop his butt. Because I would.

I don’t get it. Why changes the rules? Why take something that has worked for centuries and change it now?

On another thought, since when is it cool to show commercials for a dating website that is for married people who want to cheat?

Not cool. So very not cool.

I don’t know, maybe I’m just old.

Who forgot to tell me?

Its 3 am.

I have to be up in 5 hrs to take youngest to a dr appointment.

Why am I not sleeping?

I’m worried.

My boys have so many changes in their lives right now.

Son3 has is first girlfriend.

Son4 had his first job, starts college in two weeks, and is going on his first date this week.

Youngest is having some health issues.

Oldest is having job issues.

Son2 is in old state alone.

Changes for all of my boys.

Changes that while yes, they are normal, they are changes that make a mother’s heart beat a little different.

Changes that make a mother sit up nights and worry, pray, worry some more and pray some more.

When you have a child, no one tells you that you will spend as many sleepless nights when that child is an adult as you did when he was newborn.

They really need to tell you that.

Nope, can’t do it.

Today I took dad to the Dr’s office to have his lab work drawn. Simple enough huh.

Wrong.

While they were doing his blood work, He kept making what he thought were jokes, but that’s ok. We made it through that, until they told him they needed a urine sample.

Nurse: Think you can pee in a cup for me?

Dad: What?

Nurse: I need you to pee in a cup for me.

Dad: I can’t do that in front of women.

Poor dad thought they wanted him to pee in a cup in front of them.

Family

SO I’m sitting here tonight feeling really blessed.

All my kids are here. The one who still lives in old state is here, and has been since last night.

Tonight all of them are sitting around the table playing cards, laughing and enjoying each other.

As our children grow older, its the laughter you miss.

Listening to them pick at each other, make fun, tell jokes, and just being kids again.

There are no worries, no financial issues, no drama from life. Just kids being kids having fun playing games.

We raised them to be self sufficient. But also to lean on each other.

I pray they never lose that. Never give it up.

It will take work on all their parts to keep a close relationship.

To not let other people or things come between them.

After all, when it comes down to it, other than God, family is all you have.

Say what?

Overheard tonight talking about his passcode on his phone:

Son4: It’s America’s birthday.

Youngest: Oh….. wait…. when is that I forgot?

Son3: Really? you don’t know?

Son 4: You’re kidding me.

Youngest: I know it, I just can’t remember it.

Son 4: I’m gonna slap you….In the face….. with some freedom.

(then starts to take off his US Flag printed shorts)

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