It’s been a month today.
Dad asked me today if I thought mom had her angel wings yet. I told him I thought she got them as soon as she walked through Heaven’s gates.
We are going ok.
I know she is so much better off, she is whole again, she is well, she is perfect.
But there are some days the need to just hold her hand is so strong. Some days I can almost hear her call my name, and others I would give all I own to actually hear it aloud.
For the most part, my siblings are settling down.
One brother has been fantastic. He and his wife have been so supportive and there for us no matter what. They came and stayed 24 hrs at a time to be with mom before she passed. They stayed up all night talking with dad, keeping him occupied, and just sitting with me and mom chatting, singing, and helping to soothe her.
The others, well… one brother came several times the last week mom was alive. He got to talk to her, laugh with her and sing with her.
Two brothers and one sister did not come at all.
One sister came, unfortunately she was a day late to be able to talk and communicate with mom before she lost lucidity. She wasn’t able to have her moment. It’s killing her now. She asked one of mom’s life long friends to “be my mommy” now that mom is gone. She even asked permission to call the other woman mama. Then she calls dad and tells him what she did.
I don’t understand.
I guess guilt and regrets can do that to you.
She will never be able to make up the lost time with mom. She isn’t doing such a good job spending time with dad either. She hasn’t been to visit since mom passed, and while she calls a couple of times a week, she mainly complains to him about how she misses mom and cause him so much distress. He is always highly agitated after speaking to her on the phone. It upsets him immensely to talk to her.
Dad spends his time lost inside his mind now, he is living in the 1940’s in a time before he married mom. Its his safe place. It doesn’t hurt there. He doesn’t feel the pain or the loneliness of being a widower. In his mind it is a time of war between the countries, but its not a war between his heart and mind. His mind won out on this one to protect his heart.
I don’t blame him.